Living in Community — 5 Tips for Simple Hospitality
We live in a culture that promotes independence and isolation. This was highlighted during the previous years of the pandemic. Many people didn't stop to think twice about isolating themselves from friends and family in order to stay safe. But is this how we are to live? Are we to isolate ourselves from family, friends, and the church body? God does not call us to live in a world of isolation; He calls us to a life dependent on His provision and will. We are called to live in a community of believers.
Living in a community of believers means we must have interactions with other Christians. But even more than interactions, we are to be a community. A community of believers who help and support each other. A community that is more than surface conversations. A community that is based on love. The love that Christ has shown us, is the love we are to show others.
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen. ”
Some of us enjoyed the isolation that was created over the past few years. We found joy in being alone, in a lack of obligations, and in the silence of our own little world. So why should we work on creating community? As followers of Christ, we need each other and need to be known each other. Physically we need to be near other people, to sing together, to share our struggles, and to be encouraged in our faith.
But how do you go about creating this community? One way is through the opening of your home, or hospitality. Showing the love of God, and creating an environment for deep conversations happens best in the context of our homes. The love that is shown by simply opening your home to others is beyond compare. Just as many people opened their homes to Jesus and his disciples, we too should open our homes to other believers.
It can be tough to manage schedules, housework, work, and family obligations that are required to host people in your home. I'm sure many of us have friends over occasionally, but what about that family at church you don't know well? Have you thought about the widow or college student you see sitting alone every week? Showing hospitality to those outside your small circle can be scary and intimidating. But it doesn't have to be! Having folks over we don't know well is a joy and can be a restful, joyful time if we prepare properly. As the late Antonie de Saint-Exuper’y said, “A goal without a plan is just a wish.” So let’s make a plan!
Our plan consists of 5 tips to simplify and start the process of having folks over at your house so your time together can be joyful, restful, and a step towards godliness.
Make a List
When we think about having people over, our brains go a mile a minute with everything we want to get done. Instead of going into thinking overload, start with a list. Go ahead and pull out a sheet of paper, or an electronic note document. My husband, for example, likes to email himself lists. Then he can simply search his email for previous ideas, and continually improve planning. This list is going to contain a few different things to help you focus on what’s most important to your family when hosting. What’s going to be on your list? Your list is going to include the items from our next tips.
My first step in list-making is to brain dump. This is a popular term that can be found in many areas, but basically, you write down everything that comes to mind. These could be things that need to be done for work, school, or just fun projects. This allows you to clear your mind to focus on the task at hand, hospitality.
As women, we have many ideas and tasks running through our minds. Sometimes we get bogged down by all the things we feel need to happen before we can invite someone over. Brain dumping will allow us to open our minds to focus on what God has called us to. We will be able to clearly see what needs to be done and prioritize those tasks God has called us to.
Choose Two Rooms
On your list, write down two rooms that your guests will visit. In our home, it's the kitchen and guest bathroom. Those are my top priority rooms to have ready for guests. Maybe your rooms are the dining room and bathroom, or living room and kitchen. Just pick two!
Those are going to be the two rooms that you prioritize cleaning. Now write down simple cleaning tasks for those rooms. Our kitchen includes wiping down counters, tables, and mopping the floor. That's it! The 2nd room we clean is our main bathroom. This is a quick bathroom cleaning of the toilet, wiping sinks, and a quick vacuum.
If you are having singles, or couple without kids over, you might look into having a spot for their purses and bags. You might pick up your game room or living room to be ready for a night of conversation and games.
We occasionally retire to the living room after dinner but I don't worry about the mess. Our living room is the room that we live in (with four kids 10 years old and under) so I just go with it. For people we've had over, the mess is a glimpse into everyday life and allows for conversation starters like, "my kids used to have toys like these." When we've had families over with small children, leaving one room with toys on the floor communicates to the kiddos that "you are welcome here and these toys are for you while you are here."
Choose Two Meals
Go ahead and grab your list again and write out two meals. These meals should be EASY meals that you make often. Do not experiment with making/baking new recipes as your main meal with visitors into your home. A new snack, or a new side dish, would be great if you prefer new dishes. The main sustenance should be something you are confident in serving with the enjoyment of your guests in mind.
When you are hosting others in your home, it is important to provide food. 1 Peter says we are to use our gifts to serve others. If your gift is baking then bake some wonderful food! Maybe your gift isn't baking or cooking, but that's ok! There's nothing wrong with frozen pizza and packaged salad as a meal.
Preferably the meals are simple to adjust for allergens or food preferences of guests. Yes, you need to check with your guests if they have any dietary considerations before they arrive. Nothing is more awkward than serving something with a potentially deadly ingredient to a new guest! In our home, these two meals are pizza and tacos. In our portion of the Midwest, both rich and poor appreciate pizza as a large group meal. If we want to be a bit pickier and allow individuals to choose to make their food, tacos allow for a variety of options. Both pizza and tacos can be served buffet style which helps create an atmosphere of casual homeliness for the entire time together. No formality is needed in seeking seconds, requesting a specific condiment, or topping. These meals have allowed us to demonstrate to our guests that we value their time and appetite along with their specific tastes.
Once your meals are written down choose one that you will serve. Then write down any ingredients or recipes that you would like to follow to prepare the meal. This list includes your main meal, side dishes, appetizers, and desserts. Trust me, it's a lot simpler to have everything in one place.
Prep Ahead of Time
Prepping is of major importance. When we make pizza, we try to begin that process either the day before, accounting for all ingredients and toppings, and the same process for tacos ensuring the freshness of various vegetables and additions. This is where your previous list comes in handy. Double-check that you have all your ingredients and food pre-made the day before your guest arrives.
We try to clean the same day or evening before folks come over. As God has given us more children in our family, cleaning has become something that occurs closer and closer to the estimated time of arrival of guests. There is nothing funnier (and sometimes more frustrating) than a child taking off their messy diaper and walking through an area you just cleaned! If you have older children or a child-free space, you could clean the area a few days in advance.
Icebreakers and Games
Another thing to add to your list is potential questions to ask your guests. Some recommend having "topics" in mind for conversation, however, this often results in awkwardness since the topics you might think are worthy of discussion might not be interesting for your guests! Having questions prepared allows you to get to know your guests on their terms as they see fit to answer.
Questions can be as generic as asking about what life growing up was like, or as specific as asking about something your guest previously mentioned in conversation. Some topic points could be hobbies, church, children, and work.
It may seem awkward to ask prepared questions, but it's not. Part of living in Community of Christ is getting to know people on a deeper level. Sometimes the easiest way to bring out some more depth to conversations is to ask pointed questions. A question as simple as what brought you to our church, can open an entire trail of topics and discussions. It can lead you to know about a hard time the individual went through or some joys in their life. Pre-planned questions are a great way of showing Christ’s love and creating a deeper relationship.
In addition to preparing some questions on your list, prepare some activities. These don't need to be full-on "event" style activities, although they certainly can be if you know your guests enjoy a game or activity. This can be something as simple as giving a tour of your home, taking a walk after a meal through your neighborhood, or to a favorite part of your town. These sorts of activities give you and your guests options and flexibility. Sometimes we will put games out on tables or counters to allow guests to express interest in playing a game. Other times we display books or movies to present talking points. And sometimes we plan on sitting around a campfire and prepare appropriate seating and snacks.
What would you want to do with your guests? Would you enjoy playing a game? Showcasing a part of your garden, or enjoying a deep conversation? Consider what you are longing for and hoping for in the community with friends. These guests may very well like to get to know you, even as you would like to get to know them!
These tips are just a start to having guests in your homes. As you grow in the process of hospitality, you will see the impact it has on your family and your guests. God has called us to be hospitable and live in a community with one another. When we follow God's word and show hospitality we will be blessed to see the results of His work. There is something very special about relationships that are based on Christ. The fear, worries, and judgment we previously had from others disappear when we focus on loving others in the way God has commanded. Now that you have a template, take that first step and invite that family you sort of know from church over for a meal.
