What Motherhood Has Taught Me and Continues to Teach Me- Guest Post by Noelle Kelly

While there are countless of books that are available for expectant mothers, there are also many books on what to expect in the early years and even more on what parents should expect through childhood but when I was a first-time mom at age 32, no book could really prepare how my baby would change me emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.

I had been single until I was engaged to my husband at age 29. I waited a long time for the Lord to bring my future husband. My single years were filled with work, serving at church, and taking care of bills with my mom. I had responsibilities and led a very busy life.

I desired and longed to be married. I had named picked for my future children but little did I know how much it would take to invest my life and time to my children and marriage.

The biggest thing I've learned since being married is that it's not about me. Being a mom is not about me. I quickly learned how selfish of a person I was for wanting my own time. I couldn't believe how much taking care of a family and a new baby took so much of my time.

What people don't realize is that marriage, motherhood, and parenthood is one that requires us to be selfless. No, no one is calling us mothers to be martyrs but I truly believe that if people have the desire to be mothers, or even parents, we're CALLED.

It's not a flippant act.

It's not just the next stage in life.

It's a really important task.

Think of it as MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.

You have this newborn in your hands the first week home and it seems crazy that you have your own new creation!

As a believer, we have to have hope that we can be parents not in our strength, but with the strength that God gives us. No one said we had to do it perfectly nor did anyone say we had to do it with anxiety or fear.

See, God said :

‭‭John 16:33 ESV‬‬

[33] I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

God has given mothers and fathers the wisdom to be the parents he wants us to be according to his will but do you know what gets in the way? Our past. Our weaknesses. Voices in our head that said we weren't good enough.

As a new parent, God has given you a promise since the beginning.

‭‭Mark 10:7-9 ESV‬‬

[7] ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, [8] and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. [9] What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Here is a chance to start new. Bring a couple together to learn about each other and to love each other as the Lord intends. To be giving and loving to one another.

What are the limitations? Fear of failure. Perhaps failing to meet expectations or vice versa. If the Father in Heaven intimately knows us, doesn't he want us to do the same with each other?

Husband and wife should be on the same page in daily life.

Husband and wife should be on the same page as parents.

Communication is essential and dire.

The breaking point is when each person in a marriage is still clinging to self. They have not died to themselves. See we must DIE to ourselves in order to surrender to the Lord and his will.

As long as the self gets in the way, there will be bitterness, anger, resentment, and more. Expectations are rooted in the self.

So here comes motherhood when we have to die to ourselves to this little new human being. It needs us. The baby loves and seeks us. The baby needs nourishment. It needs the steady calm heartbeat of its mother to know that it is safe.

I did not know how much being a mother would change me in so many ways. Where I desired to be seen, heard, and known, I turned over to my children. I wanted them to know I loved them, by how long I held them. I wanted to be comforted when they felt pain. I want to heal and fix their wounds when they get hurt.

I wanted my children to know what compassion and love looked like even to a certain degree when I didn't feel that myself growing up.

You might not have felt safe growing up as a child. You might not have been given care when sick or ill. You might have been ignored or yelled at often as a child. You might have witnessed abuse or suffering in your home.

These situations can be very debilitating to a person especially to a new mother because they might fear repeating these things. They might even regret at some point having children because they might be afraid of feeling deficient in giving this new human being something that wasn't given to them.

You know what??? Love casts all fear away.

When I look at my girls and wonder why they are so happy, joyful, and fun, I can only say that it's by God's grace. He gave me the wisdom to live with my girls in my limited way. I knew from the beginning that I wanted to give my girls something different but I didn't know what it was.

The Lord was with me and continues to be my guide because being a parent is scary. I might mess up but it's because I'm imperfect. But in my weakness, the Lord is there to strengthen me when I said I wasn’t going to yell at my kids. I could ask forgiveness and God to change me in order to be better for my girls.

Oh, dear mothers. We're called to be ambassadors. We've been ENTRUSTED with those little ones to be able to teach, guide love, nourish, and MORE. It's a mighty real task… it's real work and tiring but we're NOT alone. He has given us his WORD to read and hide in our hearts so that we can pass this on to our children.

We are called as parents to lead our children and NOT for our children to LEAD US. Children are called to honor their father and mother. We in love need to know what's best for them.

New parents need to know that they are the ones who are in charge and are early on leading and teaching their children. There is and must be an awareness of the deficiencies that new parents have when planning or having children. There should be clear communication about the fears, hopes, and desires when becoming parents.

There should be a clear support system for those young parents who don't have family around. The church should become the spiritual family that comes in to help to prevent postpartum depression.

God is able to renew and transform minds.

‭‭Romans 12:1-2ESV‬‬ I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. ‭‭Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

I believe that God can renew our minds as new husbands and wives as well as mothers and fathers. God makes all things new.

‭‭2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ESV‬‬ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

What one less worry it is for me to know that I don't need to have it all together to be a parent because I can come to the Lord for help. I can also trust in the multitude of counselors that the Lord provides.

I pray that each new mother is able to know that their role doesn't have to be fulfilled immediately and perfectly but that God will be there every day to give strength and wisdom to impart care, love and provisions for such a little needy being.

Isn't that how God was and is for us? While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. We are so needy and God lovingly provides and protects for his sheep. I know I need him every hour. I thank him for delivering me from the domain of darkness and into his wonderful light in order that I may teach my girls how to love the Lord and entrust their ways to him forever.