Q&A: Visiting Graves?

Question

For Christians, after friends or family have died, is it weird to visit their graves periodically?

Answer

There are various practices that we can observe throughout the OT and NT that are related to honoring/remembering the dead.

Jacob is mourned by the Egyptians for 70 days. Joseph gave instructions regarding his bones to be carried up with the Israelites out of Egypt. Both the use of mass graves and ornate tombs are observed and spoken of in a descriptive fashion, without any particular prescription regarding the dead (IE there is no sacred, God-prescribed bodily exhuming process).

We are commanded and shown honoring examples of proper mourning at the death of loved ones, including the destruction of clothing (rending clothing), fasting, weeping, shouting, and even staying close to dead bodies for a time.

What is to be guarded against is any temptation to pray to, speak with, or seek out conversation with the dead. Often when I have been asked to go along with brothers and sisters to visit a grave, that is the temptation I see, and occasionally the practice of others I have witnessed.

I try to instruct (on the car ride together or before agreeing to go visit a graveside with a brother or sister) about our hope in the resurrection, how it is right and good that we thank God for the life of our loved one, that we mourn their loss, that we hope our loved one died having faith in Christ, that we can share and spend time remembering by sharing memories of our lost loved one. These are all good and helpful things to do, and things I've done with brothers and sisters graveside.

Be on guard against superstition, including overly legalistic seemingly spiritual rules, as though it is fine for a person to weep, share, and remember, in their office or living room, but NOT at the graveside of their loved one. We as Christians are to mourn and showcase to the world what mourning looks like. Don't fall for the over-spiritualized legalists who condemn brothers and sisters for mourning with hope.

It is a very unique thing that we as Christians can do for one another by the graveside of loved ones who died trusting in Christ, we can hug and weep and encourage one another "For all who have faith in Christ, we do not say goodbye. We say, see you at the resurrection".