The English Puritan Richard Steele has a beautiful treatise about the family unit as God has ordained, created, structured, and instructed. Steele is not a contemporary household name of the Puritans and is perhaps most known for being one of the church leaders to ordain Matthew Henry in 1687 (Click here to read a short summary of Steele’s life and works).

“Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33)

Marriage is the foundation of all society, and so this topic is very important. Explaining marital duties to you is much easier than persuading you to do them. Conform your will to Scripture, not vice versa. Take Ephesians 5:33 to heart.

Imagine such a statement today! To say that marriage is between a man and a woman, and is the foundation of society? That strikes against some of the most prevalent thinking in the unbelieving world. Some secularists may even categorize such a statement as hate speech. Yet it is a biblical truth upon which the foundation of human social community rests. Despite our sin as humanity, railing against God’s good commands, the Lord has, since the fall, graciously been about the work of establishing his redemptive purposes in time and history, including redeeming the family from all self destructive rebellious enterprises.

A. Every husband’s duty. To love his wife. This is not the only duty but it includes all others. He should love her as himself. This is both how (the Golden Rule) and why he is to love her (because they are both really one, loving her will result in blessings to him).

B. Every wife’s duty. To fear (Greek) or reverence (KJV) or respect (NKJV) her husband, both for his person and his position. This necessarily includes love, because if she loves him, she will try to please him, and avoid offending him.

Doctrine: Every Husband Should Love His Wife As Himself, And Every Wife Should Respect Her Husband.

Remember this is your Creator’s counsel, clearly articulated in both the Old and New Testaments, and by both Paul the apostle to Gentiles (Eph. 5:23 ff.; Col. 3:18 ff.) and Peter the apostle to Jews (1 Pet. 3:1 ff.). These two duties (husband-love, wife-respect) are not exhaustive, but are mentioned particularly either because they are the most common failures of each or because they include all other duties. Another explanation is that respect is what husbands need most, and love, what wives need most, from their spouses. God counsels not only that we may have eternal life, but comfort here and now. A godly marriage is a bit of heaven on earth. Reviewing these duties should humble us for our past failures, and challenge us to future improvement.

While the lost person looks to everything except the Lord for satisfaction, the child of God saved by grace through faith looks to the Lord and is able to find eternal satisfaction that begins even in the here and now. Notice that Steele doesn’t say “marriage is a bit of heaven on earth”. There is a qualifying clause that serves as a preamble. To experience a bit of heaven on earth, one must not simply get married. Marriage itself is of no guarantee to be a delight or joy. It is not your spouse in their strength, ability, personality, or personhood that enters into heaven and brings you peace, tranquility, satisfaction, and relief. The aspect of heaven on earth is found in experiencing the love of God and then expressing the love of God in your marital covenant with your spouse.

Quotes today were taken from two sources.

1. The Duties of Husbands & Wives by Richard Steele (A Modern Abridgement and Paraphrase by D. Scott Meadows) https://www.eternallifeministries.org/rs_duties.htm

2. The Duties of Husbands and Wives - by Richard Steele (1672-1729)Articles on The Christian Family

   https://www.apuritansmind.com/the-christian-walk/the-christian-family/the-duties-of-husbands-and-wives-by-rev-richard-steele/