Fatherhood as Relating to Our Children and Wives
When talking about manhood or womanhood from the Scriptures one should begin at the very beginning. Last month in an article we looked briefly at motherhood/womanhood and what the scriptures say about their role as covenant ally, particularly from Proverbs 31. In this article for the month of June, we will be investigating fatherhood/manhood and will be seeking the Word of God to glean an understanding of what God reveals to us about what it means to be a man and a father.
We are in good company when we say to begin in the very beginning, Reverend Philips in his book, “The Masculine Mandate; God Calling to men”:
“When it comes to practically every question about God’s intentions for men and women, the answer is almost always the same: go back to the garden. When Jesus was asked about marriage (Matt. 19:4–6), He answered from Genesis 2. Likewise, when Paul was discussing the role of women in relation to men (1 Tim. 2:11–14), he found his answers in Genesis 2. The New Testament sees issues of gender and male-female relationships answered in the opening chapters of the Bible: the basic teaching on creation in Genesis 1 and the record of God’s specific dealing with the first man and woman in Genesis 2. It is here that we should search for the Bible’s most basic teaching on manhood.”
Manhood is not separate from being a father. So when studying Anthropology or the study of man, being a father is always a crucial part of that study. As one professor said in a recent class “That is one of the vital purposes of man’s creation, he was created to be an image bearer of his Maker and a father.”
In Genesis 1:26-28, the Maker of all things creates humanity, male and female to be image bearers of Himself. Together they are to be fruitful and multiply and subdue (rule) the garden of God, namely Eden, and have dominion over everything He has created. As the “imago Dei” or the image of God, man is to mirror or reflect the character of his Maker. At this point, it is necessary to give a brief doctrinal explanation of what as image bearers our reflection of Almighty, Father God, and Creator means according to the scriptures.
As creatures created in the image of our God, we are to reflect or mirror His character or attributes. However, as those who are created, there are certain attributes we as creatures cannot reflect. These unshared attributes of our Maker that we cannot imitate are called His incommunicable characteristics. Here are some of the attributes that we do not or can not bear: 1.) eternality, which is self-existence, 2.) sovereignty, 3.) omniscient, which means all-knowing, 4.) omnipotence, which means almighty or all-powerful, 5.) immutability, which means the unchangeable persons of God, This is not an exhaustive list, but rather a few of the unshared attributes of God.
There are shared attributes that we as God’s image bearers can mirror to the world around us. These are called God’s communicable or shared characteristics. Let us look at Galatians 5:22-23: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law”
Men created in the image of God, are thus to reflect these attributes in the way they live and in how they relate to their children and covenant wife. Bearing the fruit of God the Holy Spirit is NOT possible if your dead heart remains stone. God the Father through the sacrifice of God the Son with the power of God the Holy Spirit must first regenerate your heart. Then with a new heart we must repent of our sin and turn in faith and belief in the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross on your behalf. This faith is the precious gift of God who recreates us into the image of His Son.
In our society and culture today we hear the catchphrase, “toxic masculinity” thrown around. When the world uses “toxic” to describe men, it is describing what the scriptures define as “sin” or a departing from God’s righteous decrees. The scriptures teach what true masculinity is, which is how a man reflects the character and attributes of his Creator. As an example of this let us look at several texts from God’s Word that teach this principle. We will start with I John 4:16;
“So we have come to know and believe the love that God has for us, God is love, and whoever abides in love, abides in God, and God abides in him.”
Love is defined by the person of God, “God is love”; we can know this if we are in God and if He has given us this love. Now notice how the apostle Paul applies this love to men in Ephesians 5:25, 28,
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; vs. 25 and “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself.” Vs. 28.
This is the highest standard that men who mirror the image of God are to live according to. This is an impossible task apart from God’s regenerating work in the heart of men. It is nevertheless the standard by which all men are to love their wives and children.
This is biblical manhood/fatherhood. As men created in the image of God we are to reflect ALL of the shared attributes of God in our lives.
Are you living your life in reflection of the character of your Creator? As you read this, look inward and think about your relationship with your wife and children. Further exhortation to men of faith is this, when you come home from your daily work is it with joy that your children and wife welcome you, or is it with trepidation? When disputes occur with your covenant helper is it with peace and self-control that you speak with her or do you quell all dissent? Do your children fear to question and speak or does God's shalom/peace characterize your dealings with them. If you are a new creation in Christ and if these attributes of your savior do not reflect your dealings with your family, then turn away from this toxic/sinful reflection and repent (Psalm 51)!
Looking further into Ephesians we come to chapter 6:4, (cf. Colossians 3:21);
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
One of the duties of men is to be fathers, in chapter 6:4 it says, “Bring them (children) up”. Fathers are to do this in two ways, 1.) discipline of the Lord and, 2.) instruction of the Lord. These are the two ways to “nourish” your children and not provoke/cause anger in them. All children rebel for they are born of their rebellious parents. This can be frustrating and even be a source of anger for their parents. This is the beauty of scripture and the blessedness of our Creator whose knowledge of His sinful creatures is limitless. Knowing that obstinate children can cause anger in their parents who are to punish bad or sinful behavior God warns fathers to not express or punish them in anger which in turn causes anger in them. The same is true when teaching a complacent, and uninterested child. As a father one of the most frustrating and irritating things was to see in the child total uninterest or total complacency. God the Father’s long-suffering, patience, self-controlled, peaceful attributes are the way in which fathers should discipline and instruct the next generation.
Next let us consider, Hebrews 12:5-6, and Proverbs 3:11-12;
“... My son, despise not the discipline of the Lord, nor faint when you are rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loves he chastens, and scourges every son whom he receives.”, and “My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction: For whom the LORD loves he corrects; even as a father the son in whom he delights.”
In our culture today words like rebuke, scourge, chasten, and discipline are offensive and harsh, even called abusive (toxic). However, the scriptures as we see again are counter to culture, for it is through His love that he disciplines, in order to correct and bring the wayward of His children back to Himself. So this is the standard for earthly fathers. Not to bring your own father’s failures into the disciplining of your children, but to discipline them with the love in which God loves us His people/children.
The second way fathers are taught to nurture/nourish their children from Ephesians 6:4 is the instruction of the Lord. The apostle Paul, an expert in the law, may have been thinking of passages in the Pentateuch such as Deuteronomy 6:6-9;
“And these words that I command you today shall be on your (father’s) heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
Here YAHWEH is very descriptive and clear as to the responsibility to “teach diligently” which in Hebrew means to “point, sharpen, pierce, whet,” As fathers we are commanded to point our children to God’s word, to sharpen their focus upon it, to whet their appetites, so as to allow God the Holy Spirit to pierce their hearts to recreate them in His image. This is also another reason why we baptize our covenant children, those born to believing parents. It gives fathers (and mothers) a natural way to talk to their children about God’s love and His salvation to them. In his dissertation on the sacramental theology of George Gillespie, Reverend Jerrard Heard contends as he cites Gillespie from page 89 of miscellany questions that, “if the baptism of I Corinthians 10:2 corresponds to ours, and if ours means de facto being initiated into the teachings of Christ, then Gillespie, in citing this verse, has established both the covenant essence of the nurture and admonition of the Lord as well as the duty incumbent upon all believers to bring Christ’s “teaching” to bear upon their covenant children.”
Some men at this point are thinking, “I am not a theologian, or I don’t know the bible very well, How am I going to teach my children what I don’t know or even understand very well?” or “I work 10 hours a day when I get home I am exhausted, there is no time”.
To this we reply, yes it is true most men are not seminary professors nor would consider themselves as theologians. Yes, it is true that life is full of work and is exhausting and it seems that there is not enough time in the day to do all one needs to do. However, teaching your children is not a suggestion or option, it is commanded by God. So this is why the Deuteronomy 6 passage gives several practical ways to obey our Lord’s command. When you are resting in your lazy boy for a long day, “talk” of God’s word, read to them instead of watching TV. When you tuck them in for bed, bind them to your children, when you get them up in the morning to start their day fasten the scriptures to their hearts. Every day in neighborhoods all over the US men and women take an evening walk together with their children, Deuteronomy says to seize those moments to point to God’s creation and how it reflects God’s love and character.
In regards to being a theologian, we point out that the word means one who studies God and how He reveals Himself through the sacred scriptures. Are we not all then theologians? Fathers study, bind, cling, pursue, and ask for wisdom. Settle not for, “I don’t know or understand.” For it is your calling as a man to know your God and in return to teach and discipline your children so they may learn of their Creator and fear Him. You are taught from the scriptures to be an exemplar (and excellent example) of learning knowing and mirroring God’s shared attributes.
There is one last principle from the texts we have been studying. Notice the underlined phrase of Ephesians 6, and Hebrews and Proverbs, “...of the Lord.” in connection with chastening, discipline, and instruction. What is this teaching father? That it is not your instruction or your chastening or your discipline. It is the discipline of the Lord, it is the chastening and instruction of the Lord, as fathers we are to instruct our sons and daughters in the precepts of the Lord and to reflect how the Lord disciplines and instructs us in His word with patience and love. It is the instruction of the Lord through the word of God that brings life (spiritual) to them, Psalm 119:93. When disciplining your children if you find yourself frustrated or even angry, take a second and ask if God would also be angry. How as the image bearer of God can I reflect the character of our Creator while correcting my child’s behavior?
As we draw our look into biblical manhood/fatherhood to a close, let us consider one more crucial role for men to biblically reflect the character of Christ before their children. We call this role the Encourager-in-chief. Listen to what God the Father says to God the Son in Matthew 3:17; “And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” (NIV). He says it of Jesus again in Matthew 17:5. This is one of the most important activities a father can do in order to not provoke their children to anger. Encouragement. “I love you!”, “Great job!”, said with a smile, it will bring the Joy of the Lord to their tender souls. Especially when disciplining them, when it is all finished to reassure them of your love, will bring comfort. Positive reinforcement must outweigh the negative. So like God the Father’s encouragement of His Son, earthly fathers should reflect that encouragement and comfort. As fallen men saved by the grace of God, when you do not reflect or mirror the image of your Creator well and provoke your children to anger or do not have the patience or self-control of your heavenly Father when disciplining them. First, repent to your Creator then humbly go to your wife and children and seek their forgiveness and to be reconciled with them. May the steadfast love and the peace that passes all understanding guide and guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ, to be the husband and father that bears witness to God’s covenant faithfulness.
A Word to Single Men:
Upon completion of this article, one might ask, “What of the men who are not fathers or husbands, but by God’s providence and good pleasure remain single as Adam did before his Creator presented to him his covenant ally?” We would like to speak and hopefully offer some admonition from sacred Writ that will guard your hearts and minds and encourage you to live in a manner reflective of the character of your God.
When we began our journey of writing about what the scriptures teach us concerning men and their roles as husbands and fathers, we proposed that that study must begin at the very beginning. Here too we say start from where the Word of God begins with the Creator making men in His image.
Genesis chapter 2 expounds on God's creation of man/woman. Vs. 7 tells us that He created man from the dust of the ground and breathed life into him. Then in vs. 8, He put him into a garden He had made specifically for him. In vss. 9-14 that garden is described in detail. Vs 15 reiterates the Creator put Adam in the garden of God (Ezekiel 28:13), however, it goes further in telling us the purpose for putting Adam there, “...to dress it and to keep it.”. So we understand from the very beginning of Adam’s life that God purposed him to labor, worship, watch over, keep, and serve his Maker in that garden. There the Creator would commune and walk and fellowship with him.
In Vs. 16-17, God gives His law to the man. Notice the use of the word commanded. The command is both positive and negative. First the positive is to eat freely of all the fruit of every tree in the garden. The other is negative in the sense of something forbidden and the penalty for disobedience. Adam was forbidden to eat of one tree, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. The penalty is death.
In vs. 19, God gives man another task of “designating” names for each of the animals He has created. This is an exercise in the use of wisdom. Adam is not given the task of giving each creature a random name, but to use the insight God gave him into the animal's characteristics given to them by God. We will now begin below to see the role of wisdom in the lives of men renewed in the image of Christ.
If there is one word that describes all men it is the word son. Proverbs is written specifically to “my son”. Striking is the number of times the book uses “son’, over 50x. The most emphasized principle the son is taught is the gaining of “wisdom” and gaining “understanding”, “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.” (Proverbs 4:7).
Chapter 8 of Proverbs talks of how God created the world according to His infinite wisdom. The New Testament continues the emphasis on gaining wisdom but embodies God’s wisdom in the person of Jesus Christ, (Colossians 2:2-3; 1 Corinthians 1:30) Jesus is the eternal Son of God and serves as the paragon that earthly sons should imitate in their lives. Ephesians 5:1 says, “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children;” vs. 2 teaches that Christ's sacrifice on the cross is the model of perfection of love that we are to reflect in our daily walk of faith. So as men renewed in the image of our Savior we reflect His character. His sacrifice upon the cross reflects and puts on full display God’s love. We in like manner are to offer ourselves in service to God, Romans 12:1-2, “Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, [fn]acceptable to God, which is your [fn]spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this [world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may [fn]prove what the will of God is, that which is good and [fn]acceptable and perfect.” This is exemplified in how we love our families, our fellow mankind, those in the household of faith, etc.
There is one last point to bring out in regard to sons. We glean some of this from an Antenicean father, Didymus the Blind. He was writing in reference to the Preacher of Ecclesiastes who introduces himself as “son of David”, Ecclesiastes 1:1-2. The Apostle Paul writes to Timothy and calls him, “my true son in the faith.” We believe Paul was not married or had natural-born children. Yet he is calling Timothy his son. However, notice the three-word phrase “in the faith”. Through the preaching/teaching and being a witness for Christ, Timothy believed and became the spiritual son in the faith of Paul. Paul disciplined and taught Timothy and ordained him into the office of elder in Ephesus. Timothy was a faithful companion and spiritual son. Sons of God who preach/teach and share the gospel of Jesus Christ and are blessed to see those whom they have witnessed believe in Jesus, now become spiritual fathers and are commanded to make disciples of their spiritual children. So single men who trust in Jesus preach/teach and be a witness for the Savior and then are blessed by God to have spiritual progeny, to teach, disciple, and exhort unto obedience to Jesus.
So man was created to guard God’s garden, serve his creator in His garden, rule over God’s creation as God’s vice-regent, and teach God’s law to his covenant ally and future progeny. All this through the wisdom given to him by his Creator. Jesus the Anointed One of God fulfills all this in His life, death, resurrection, and glorification. The Eternal Son of God humbled Himself and clothed Himself in the humanity He created (Isaiah 53). As men renewed in the image of the Son of God we are to “humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord…”, James 4:10. The High and lofty One became like His lowly creatures, we in like manner are to be broken, and contrite before our God, Isaiah 57:15-16.
Christ finished the work that Adam failed to do. He protects and guards the Father’s church, John 10:11.
Jesus served and obeyed the Father’s will in perfect obedience to His eternal purposes, John 6:38, etc.
Jesus is King of Kings and Lord of Lords and reigns over His creation and church, Revelation 17:14.
Jesus is God’s great Prophet from Deut. 18:15, cf. Acts 3:22; 7:37-8, we are to listen and learn.
As men renewed into the image of Christ, we are to be characterized as Christ, Colossians 3:10, “And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him:”
CONCLUSION:
Men are all called to be sons of God, John 1:12, and as sons of God and of earthly fathers we are to reflect the Savior’s life of obedience to His Heavenly Father and as we reflect the Savior, we are to honor our parents the same as Christ. We are to reflect Christ in all we do. We are to guard, tend, teach, and rule over God’s creation in humility, in righteousness, and wisdom as Christ does. When we fail to do this in the perfection of Christ we are to humble ourselves in His sight and repent. As we conform to Christ's shareable characteristics we love as Christ loved His Church and sacrificed for our families and brothers and sisters in Christ.
Footnotes:
1. I am grateful to Dr. Bruce Baugus in his anthropology class taught at Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary, for this understanding of Adam’s creation.
2. The following references give the texts that tell of God’s unshared attributes: Acts 17:25, Isaiah 40:18, Psalm 102:26, Malachi 3:6, Romans 1:23, Job 37:16, Isaiah 42:6, 46:9-11, Proverbs 16:33, Ephesians 1:11, see also Michael Horton’s article: “https://www.modernreformation.org/resources/articles/the-incommunicable-attributes-of-god”
3. God is revealed in the scriptures as all of the fruit or attributes of the Holy Spirit from Galatians 5:22-23, e.g. I John 4:16, Psalm 43:4, Nehemiah 8:10, John 15:11, Isaiah 9:6, I Corinthians 14:33, Philippians 4:7, Numbers 14:18, Psalm 86:15, Exodus 34:6, Psalm 18:35, Matthew 11:28-30, I Chronicles 16:34, Ezra 3:11, Lamentations 3:22-23, 2 Thessalonians 3:3,
4. Reverend Jerrard C. Heard; “A Critical Analysis of Sacramental Theology of George Gillespie”
5. See O.P. Robertson, “Christ of Wisdom”
6. Ancient Christian Commentary on Scripture, Old Testament IX: Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon.