Little Voices in the Pews

We had the privilege of worshipping with some friends last Sunday. Jacob team preaches with another faithful pastor, meaning from time to time we as a family get to travel and be visitors with other churches we otherwise wouldn’t ever get to see. It is always such a privilege and a treat when we get to worship together as a whole family in the pew. Since becoming a Pastor’s wife, I will never again take for granted the entire family sitting together during worship. But this post isn’t about that. This post is about giving thanks for what I observed in our children during this service.

Our children have been sitting through church services for their whole life. They are used to sitting through a worship service. Services are often interactive, including singing together, responsive readings, prayer and a sermon. Whenever we attend another church, we have the same, if not higher, expectations than on a regular Sunday. This past Sunday we asked a lot of our kids ages 2, 5, 8 and 11. They have amazed us in the past in their ability to be flexible to various orders of service and to learn from God’s Word from a multitude of different preachers.

Last Sunday was one of those days. We asked them to wake extra early so we could drive a little over an hour to a friend's church. We then asked them to sit quietly during the entire service, which was different from what they were used to. A wonderful service, but different. We then asked them to eat quietly at a table and play calmly while we had lunch at the church with some friends. Unfortunately, due to the weather we were unable to play outside, which was the original hope. We asked a lot of our children and they exceeded our expectations in a new environment.

Children Can’t Sit Long

Thinking back on the worship service, I had several reasons to give thanks. Our normal Sunday service runs about 1 hour and 10 minutes. There are ample times when the children are active, responsive, up and down participating through singing and reading. We allow them to bring a notebook and pen, or a small toy for the younger ones, to use during the sermon to help keep their hands occupied and ears open. This week, I forgot to grab our church notebooks. A Big mistake! Or so I thought until we arrived at church. Again, our children surprised me! They were perfectly fine listening to the sermon without their notebooks. Not only did they sit quietly (well, all but the toddler) but they sat through a service that was 1.5 hours. An extra 20 minutes longer than they are used to. They were friendly and interactive with those who sat around us. And despite not knowing many of the songs included in the service, they began to sing along on the 2nd or 3rd verse as best they could.

So why am I telling you this? It is not to brag about our kids, or to brag about our parenting. It is to brag about God. To brag about the goodness of His Word. To brag about the all captivating Word that he speaks to all ages. I often hear parents, grandparents and well meaning friends say that children can not sit through the worship service. I hear that children are too young to sit still for that long. That they are not able to understand the sermon. The word of God written in Scripture is above their heads. We hear that children must have the story retold in an easier way. How foolish can we be to insinuate that the Word of God is too hard for our children? That we, sinful creatures can take the word of God and minimize it for our children. That we know better than God. It’s insulting to God and proves our selfish, sinful, conceited attitudes.

Many children in our western culture have been told they can’t sit in worship. They have been led to believe that the Bible is too difficult for them to understand. That there are only certain stories worth learning about. Why these stories? Because some believe kids can only learn the “fun stories of scripture." Children are taught about Jericho falling down, but are they taught about Joshua, Rahab, or Moses? Are they taught why the walls of Jericho needed to fall down? Are they taught of the victory of God in fulfilling His great promises to His people? Are they taught how destructive and devastating sin is? Are they exposed to the ultimate reality of God’s wrath against His enemies? Are they told of the grace of God in Christ? Are they taught about the significance of the return of Christ?

“For my people are foolish;
    they know me not;
they are stupid children;
    they have no understanding.
They are ‘wise’—in doing evil!
    But how to do good they know not.”

**Jeremiah 4:22**

What Are Children Being Taught in “Kids Church”

For us at Redeeming Family, we desire (as do many who serve the church by volunteering with children’s ministry programs) to see the lambs brought to the great shepherd Jesus. Often the confusion we experience surrounding children’s ministry isn’t about motive, it is about method.

From our observations through years of participating and volunteering in a variety of capacities in multiple churches, the content of “kids church” is often lacking at best, and counterproductive at worst. Children might be taught that Jesus was a good man (rather than the God-Man) who died for them to save them from their sins. But are they taught the consequences of their sin? Often children are raised with the Pelagian heresy taught openly (that humans are born intrinsically good, rather than what the scriptures teach - Romans 5:12) Are they taught how Jesus is the fulfillment of God’s promise? Are they taught the beginning, the middle and end of the story? I would argue that many of the stories we think our children can understand are taught as merely moral behavior modification lessons. Many of these stories are taught to children in a way that divorces the immediate individual story from the larger story of God’s redemption. That's just moralism. Children in many churches today are NOT getting the whole of scripture. They are not being taught about total depravity, scripture as the ultimate revealed authority in life, the overwhelmingly joyful hope of biblical eschatology and so much more. Children may grow up thinking the Bible is too hard to read. That adult church is too boring.

Worst of all, children may grow up within a community of worship, without having impressed upon them the glory, majesty, beauty, and worthiness of Jesus. They may become sheep who wander, because they do not listen for the joyful sound of the shepherd’s voice.

Think about your city today. Consider how many charismatic, “seeker” friendly churches there are. Churches that are built for the entertainment of our generation. The generations have been ushered off to children's church is now the generation who is attracted to entertainment style non-Gospel oriented worship. Is this a pattern we want to continue? Do we want our children and future generations to grow up not knowing God, now knowing the Scriptures and not hearing the Gospel?

A counter example to this worrisome trend is found within the Orthodox Presbyterian Church (OPC). The OPC is growing as a denomination. That is almost unheard in western churches over the last 20 years, let alone post-covid. They are growing with young families who are turning back to God. Families who are realizing that they want their children to be taught what they were not taught as children. Most OPC churches do not segregate their young by sending them away to children's church. Their children stay in worship and participate in the entirety of the service. They are churches that have a morning and evening service on Sundays. We have driven past a local OPC church in the area on Sunday evenings, only to see the parking lot full an 1.5 hours after their evening service started. You can’t tell me that Christians don’t want to worship together as a family. You can’t tell me that children are incapable of hearing the Word of God Preached from the pulpit. According to the OPC General Assembly Report their Sunday morning attendance increased almost 7%, compared to November of 2022. A 7% increase in attendance is amazing in a reformed, conservative church that goes against many of the popularized culturally western church norms.

One of Jacob’s pastoral mentors instructed him early on in ministry about working with future generations:

Speak to the children
Speak with the children.
Don’t let an adult interrupt a conversation with a child.
Lower your body to be eye to eye with children.

We’ve seen how our own children have responded, and grown in their trust and love of the Lord and His people as they have been included, rather than segregated by previous generations of Christians. We’ve seen how our children have shrunk when they are interrupted, disregarded, or spoken down to. We’ve seen how our children have flourished when they are treated with dignity, gentleness, and patient instruction. We’ve gotten to watch the benefits of little ones surrounded by prayer, and integrated into the large family gathering of God’s people each Sunday. Our burden in sharing these things is not to shame, cast dispersions, or cause division. Our burden is for the next generation to grow in the knowledge and admonition of the Lord. In sum, we share this to boast of what the Lord can do in the midst of difficult parenting challenges.

It is no easy thing to train children to worship in reverence and awe. It is no “walk in the park” to constantly work through and work with tantrums, long nights, snack breaks, potty requests, seemingly incessant chatter, and a real temptation to give up. I am sympathetic to my fellow parents who are single on Sunday. While I have my husband, many in our culture have experienced tremendous heart break and failed promises in their homes. While some see this as a reason to give single parents a “break” on Sunday morning, we at Redeeming Family see this as all the more reason for children to have stability in their lives. To worship with their parent, rather than being cared for by yet another adult besides mom or dad. There are many more unique situations that present various challenges to incorporating and including our children in the assembly of God’s people for Lord’s day worship. Yet, despite all the challenges, God is faithful. He has promised to build His church. Will we expend every effort to include our children in that work of God? Do we want to include our children in that process early on in life, or hope that somehow, someway, they will come to a “decision about religion” on their own after being segregated for a decade or two?

Instructing Children out of Thanksgiving to God

Children are capable of so much more than we give them credit for. I am constantly amazed at the theological questions coming from the mouths of our children. I am in awe of how they love the entirety of scripture and talk about “only dying once then living forever with Jesus.” I hear them pray to God by choice and see them choose to listen or read Gods word everyday before bed. We are not some amazing parents. We have no magic formula. We are sinful people, and we make mistakes just like all parents do. Keeping our children in church every Sunday is HARD. It is hard being the only adult able to correct and train on a weekly basis (while Jacob is preaching). It is hard to constantly be leaving service to discipline a toddler and continually coming back in. It is hard, but it is so worth it. There is no better use of my time than to teach our children the importance of corporate worship together. That our children are a part of God’s family and God’s word is as much for them as it is for me. Even (especially) in the midst of our sinful shortcomings as parents we rely on God’s grace. God’s ordinary means of grace are there in the gathered assembly of God’s people as the Word is preached and the sacraments observed and participated in.

We love our children, but God loves them even more than we do. And that, above any other reason, statistics, or factor, is a motivation to follow the means God has prescribed for teaching the next generation. God has given the keys of the kingdom to his church, to preach and exercise discipline. To remove our children from the time and place where the keys of the kingdom are opened is one of the most unloving things we could ever do for God’s covenant children. I’m thankful God has given us the experiences He has, to teach us as parents to have a burden for and delight in our children joining us in worship.

I’ll close today with Question & Answer 84 from the Heidelberg Catechism:

84 Q. How does preaching the holy gospel open and close the kingdom of heaven?

A. According to the command of Christ: The kingdom of heaven is opened by proclaiming and publicly declaring to all believers, each and every one, that, as often as they accept the gospel promise in true faith, God, because of Christ’s merit, truly forgives all their sins. The kingdom of heaven is closed, however, by proclaiming and publicly declaring to unbelievers and hypocrites that, as long as they do not repent, the wrath of God and eternal condemnation rest on them. God’s judgment, both in this life and in the life to come, is based on this gospel testimony. (See Matt. 16:19; John 3:31-36; 20:21-23)