3 Ways to Squelch Family Worship Before It Starts
Every so often we have guest writers appear on Redeeming Family. This week we have a guest writer Trevor Mouw. He is a Theology teacher in Iowa and the Editor at Reformed Everday.
Family Worship can be a profound blessing for the Christian family. Children grow to anticipate and expect that Family Worship will be a part of their day. At least mine do. It’s a habit.
I’ve become a big believer in the transformational power of habits. From my own personal experience, as well as reading Duhigg’s “The Power of Habit” or Earley’s “Habits of the Household”, I’m convinced that continual, consistent small growth and small changes will lead to larger and longer-lasting outcomes than obsessive but fleeting “cramming”.
Consistency is one of life’s most important tools. It’s difficult, but most powerful things are.
As I’ve said before, the power of Family Worship lies not in any single individual worship session, but in the slow drip of identity formation and brick-by-brick construction of knowledge of God.
Only God can transform the human heart, which is required for our children to actually love the Lord. But years of Family Worship creates thousands of instances where children can come face to face with this God in the place where He promises to be found: in His Word. And it also creates thousands of opportunities for our children to see how deeply their parents love their savior, Jesus Christ.
3 Ways to Squelch Family Worship Before It Starts
And so, probably the biggest obstacle to overcome in establishing Family Worship is overcoming and removing inconsistency.
Family Worship doesn’t need to be a daily thing. (I think daily is ideal and worthy of consideration, but different families have different situations and different needs.) But whether your plan is daily, on weekdays, 3-4 times a week, weekly, etc., consistency is crucially important.
Danger #1: Inconsistency
Failing to establish a regular time and routine for Family Worship makes it easy for it to be forgotten or neglected.
You’ve experienced this before. Maybe with a past attempt at dieting, or a Bible-in-a-Year plan, or some other attempt at habit building… you start strong, but life gets in the way and you fizzle out.
In my opinion, the key thing is to forgive yourself and get back to it. NOT as an attempt to “restart”, but as an act of “continuing” what you started before. It’s Ok that you missed a month. Forgive yourself and pick back up where you left off.
And then continue to work at consistency moving forward.
A key help to improving consistency is searching for and experimenting with different times of the day.
Maybe mornings work best for your family. Maybe after supper at the table. Maybe before bedtime. Probably the school year is going to be different than the summer months. Talk it through with your spouse and make a plan. Then try that plan, adapt, and move forward is the continued expectation that Family Worship is going to happen… it’s just a matter of when.
Danger #2: Unrealistic Expectations
Expecting perfect behavior or a highly structured session can create stress and frustration, making it difficult to maintain.
Maybe you are remembering your own past experience with Family Worship with your parents growing up. Perhaps, in doing so, you are comparing your own fledgling attempts with your parent’s end result of years of practice and experimentation.
Maybe you’ve set up an idyllic picture in your mind that not even the strictest of Puritans expected or achieved with their own children.
Your kids aren’t perfect. Your spouse isn’t perfect. YOU aren’t perfect.
Don’t expect perfection.
DO expect reverence and commitment from your kids, but usually their feeble attempts at commitment are the best they can do at their age.
Family Worship is meant to be a place of worship, but also a place of belonging. A part of what being at “home” means. Just try your best and love your family and your God.
Danger #3: Too Long and Complicated
I’ve talked about this before. You don’t need to start with a puritanical hour-long session of catechetical teaching. (In fact, our modern connotations with the word “puritanical” bear very little resemblance to the actual love and reasonableness that most Puritans showed and practiced themselves.)
Overly lengthy or complex sessions can lose the interest of children and adults alike, making it something they dread rather than look forward to. Family Worship shouldn’t be something that you all dread. This is your time to worship and love the God who saved you. It should be a time of joy and happiness.
And especially with little children, the length of your sessions of Family Worship should be age-appropriate. Make it worthwhile, yes, but you can do “worthwhile” in short amounts of time.
Again, the key is your consistency and the attitude of the heart that you bring with you and show to your children.